Dancing In the Dark

I thought it would be easy.

At college, we were saturated with spiritual things. We had chapel every day. Church on Wednesdays and twice on Sundays. Prayer meetings, revivals, missions groups...I was sure when I went home it wouldn't be so hard to keep it going. I was wrong.

Things have been different, that's for sure. I have grown some, though I'm sure none of it was my own doing. And it's been nice to hear comments about my not being the same as I used to be. Hopefully that means I've progressed. But...I don't know. It's harder to see the progress when your stuck in the setting of the past. I look around my room, and all I can see is the past. It's given me a little better understanding maybe of how it must be for others who feel stuck in the environment they find themselves in. 

No I'm not comparing my basement to the ghetto, but isn't much of what we experience a matter of the mind? How is it that some can live in the most ideal of circumstances and yet never seem to enjoy or use what God has laid before them the way they should? And then there are those on the other side; the ones with mental or physical defects. The ones who were born in the ghetto, or with seemingly nothing to offer, and no way to better their situation, and yet they do. They somehow find a way to grow where they've been planted in a way that the people around them look on and wonder how they possibly did it.

I love to meet these people. There are actually quite a few at the college I attend. A girl from a third world country who worked to help her sister through college before attending one herself. Another girl (again, from another country) who's entire family has threatened to disown her because she became a Christian. She is now attending this college through the help of some missionaries. She will become a nurse and go back home to face whatever God has in store for her. A man with a physical defect to where he can't seem to hold his head straight, and yet his heart is exactly where it should be. If I'm correct, he's nearly a straight A student majoring in engineering (not an easy thing to accomplish).

Okay, I've come full circle. My reason for this post was to talk myself out of being so down about my situation, and I've just accomplished that. We used to have this sign in our house that said "Attitude is 10% what happens to you and 90% how you deal with it". That's what it's about, I guess. Our attitude towards life as it should be in Christ. Our thoughts and actions as they should be in Christ. So get out of your slump, Carrie Sue!!

Pep talk over.

"You were taught, with regard to your former way of life, to put off your old self, which is being corrupted by its deceitful desires; to be made new in the attitude of your minds; and to put on the new self, created to be like God in true righteousness and holiness." - Ephesians 4:22-24

Hey!

I'm sorry it's been so long since I've last written an update from PCC, but things have gotten to the point where I really have to prioritize. I've fairly well dropped out of everything extra-curricular that isn't mandatory. But thankfully my grades are (for the most part) reflecting the amount of work I've put in.

As I sit here thinking about what's been going on since I last wrote, my mind goes off in two main directions. If I think about the day to day stuff, so much changes that I wouldn't be able to fit it all in. As for the big picture though, not too much changes. I still work at the Distribution Center; still go to the same classes.

I did have a chance to go surfing last Friday night. They have an indoor wave pool, and I was able to make it all the way up on my feet. It's Sunday and it feels like every bone in my body is tense and bruised, but it was definitely worth it! I actually got to experience this with a friend of mine named June who happens to be Mennonite. When I first met her, like everyone else, I thought she was a bit holier-than-thou. She wears a prayer cap daily. But I soon found out just how wrong I was to decide what she was like before I even knew her. She's hilarious, she's sarcastic, she's witty and, as it happens, she loves to play volleyball and surf. Last year (geeze, even last month) I never would have pictured myself learning how to surf with a Mennonite (among the many other things I never thought I'd be doing). But she's no longer just a Mennonite.

She's June.

Anyway...One of the major struggles I've had to deal with recently is one I've never had to really worry about before: finances. As I sit here, I have laundry in the washers, but I have no money left on my card with which to dry them. I know God will provide; after all, doesn't He say that He provides for our every need? Still, and maybe I'm analyzing this too deeply, but I know that I've spent money where I did not need to, even in this past week. I ate out when I didn't need to. I bought some wrist weights that I'm hoping will help me get in better physical shape, but did I really need them? What if God already provided what I needed, and now I've just squandered it on frivolous stuff when I should have been saving it?

But as I sat down to start my homework today, I looked up a verse in the Bible that I'm having to memorize for New Testament Survey. It's John 6:35, "And Jesus said unto them, 'I am the bread of life: he that cometh to me shall never hunger; and he that believeth in me shall never thirst." (KJV of course...that's all they use here). Anyway, I can almost hear Him telling me not to worry. He's going to take care of me, and my sister, and my roommates (who are all in the same boat as I am, as is everyone else on campus, it would seem...).

So I won't...worry, that is.

Ephesians 5:13-17

First off, let me appologize for the ghost post that somehow appeared. Not sure how that happened, but I can't get on onsugar to take it off...

I finally got it to where I can post by e-mail (thanks much to Carrie Beth and Stacie : ). My college e-mail address is cswick2203@students.pcci.edu . I'd love to hear from you guys! Drop me a note if you get the chance.

Anyway...I don't even know where to begin! Life at PCC is a lot different than I expected it to be. For the better, actually. I went in with a rather low expectation, and I've been pleasantly surprised.

Busy, though...I've done more in one week than I did in a year at the bank.

I noticed right away some huge differences between PCC and NKU (not that I didn't expect them, but still).

PCC is so clean. NKU not so much.

At NKU, no one would look you in the eye, and most stayed to their own groups, while at PCC people actually look up and smile. They still stay some to their own groups, but you know a lot more people. I didn't know half the people in my year at NKU that I know now and I've only been here a week.

Teachers pray before the start of every class at PCC. They also explain why you should care about your classes as it applies to your walk with Christ. That's a huge difference from NKU, where most went to get the grade and get out.

The last, and perhaps biggest, difference is just the general attitude. Students, teachers, even my bosses at the Distribution Center where I work are so friendly. Of course there are going to be some that don't want to submit to the rules, but I figure they'll get themselves kicked out soon enough, so I'm not worried. Honestly, if you weren't going to abide by the rules (which you knew about before you signed on), why did you come? People are funny sometimes.

Well, it's back to studies. I'm sure I'll have some more interesting stories to tell about campus life soon enough, but for now it's only some English and Math homework...

Friday, September 4th marks the starting date for my venture back to college. Unfortunately, this particular college is strict with their rules to the point of blocking websites they disagree with. As Onsugar is bound to be on their list of sites, I'll not be able to post as much as I'd like to. I've figured out a way to post via e-mail, but I won't be able to respond to comments (for future referrence...please don't think me rude!).

I'll post my school e-mail address once I get one, so feel free to get in touch with me! I always enjoy getting mail : ).

I hate goodbyes.

My last day has just begun, and already I'm dreading the goodbyes. First the hugs then the tears (or the tears then the hugs...or both at the same time *shudder*), mostly from the middle-aged women at the front teller line.

I'm going to miss them...I really will. But I hate the actual act of saying goodbye. There's always the slight possibility that I might cry, which would only make things worse.

Won't be missing the bank though. It's been a horrible year for the bank, what with going through the conversion at the same time the national banks were going through that horrible ordeal with the bailouts. I wouldn't go through that again for any amount of money...well, maybe for the right price, but it'd have to be pretty high : ).

Better things to come though! I can't wait to get on with life. Rock-climbing, surfing, volleyball, ice-skating, deaf ministries, even my regular classes! Yeah, it's going to be good. And I feel so much better knowing this is where God wants me. The skirts, the double standards in some of the rules, the internet monitoring...it's all so much easier to deal with knowing I'm going as He leads.

Uh-oh, here they come...

UPDATE: I know you were all concerned for me, so I must report that I made it through the hugs&tears session unscathed, thank God. It was a little harry there for a while, but I've come out of it stronger for the experience. Thank you for your support.

Now it's my turn to yell defiantly "IT DIDN'T HURT!"

Yesterday evening I had a chance to take my father's place going horseback riding because he was at a meeting. I used to take horseback riding lessons with my sisters when we lived in Michigan, but that was ten years ago. I was only 13 and as my brother and I drove to the lesson, I was wondering whether any of it would come back to me.

Jonell, the lady who runs the stables, was very reassuring. I think she took it easy on me because she knew I was only going to be there once.

The horse she gave me was the sleekest thing you'll ever see. Jubilee and I got on just fine together, though she's a bit of a slow walker. She'd get way behind and I'd give her a little kick thinking she'd walk faster. Instead, she'd start trotting. My memory of trotting isn't a fond one. I remember bouncing harshly on a stupid horse, wishing I could canter instead. But Jubilee's trot was almost as smooth as her canter, she's that smooth.

The trail we went on was amazing. It wound it's way back into the Kentucky hills, over a creek, past an old church and a broken down barn. The only thing that could have possibly made this ride better would be if it hadn't been a lesson; if I'd just been able to go up by myself on a horse. Amazing.

I did get to canter once. Uphill. It was everything I'd remembered.

Of course, this morning as I got up, I was reminded that you can't just get back in the saddle after ten years and not expect consequences...

It was worth it, though.

It's been an interesting weekend.

We've had a house guest the last few days, and though I love this guest and would never, ever mention this to her...I want my bed back.

It's my last week in my own house, and sleeping in my 8-year old sisters bedroom and packing hap-hazardly whenever she's not around isn't exactly what I'd had in mind...but enough with the complaining

It's been a nice weekend otherwise. We had both Dad and Christian's birthdays on Friday evening because Ammie and I will be gone when they come around. Joy and I were blowing up balloons, and she was determined to get these things as large as possible. Now I'm one of those that absolutely hates it when a balloon pops near me. I warned her, but she wouldn't believe my claim that she'd start crying when it popped in her face so I walked out of the room.

Sure enough, as I'm sitting downstairs talking with Mom we hear a muffled pop from inside the bedroom.

The door swung open and out ran Joy. Her eyes were filled with tears, but she looked at me and yelled defiantly, "IT DIDN"T HURT!"

I'm still chuckling.

Found a list on McSweeney called "Status Updates since my Mother Became a Facebook Friend" and it really cracked me up. But since my Grandmother just joined Facebook, I thought I'd switch it up a little in light of my fantastic Grandmother and the wonderfulness that is Pensacola Christian College. Here ya go, Grandma!

• Carrie is making good, well informed decisions.
• Carrie is going to bed at a very reasonable hour.
• Carrie is making large, regular contributions to her savings account
• Carrie is playing gin rummy...and beating the tar out of her sister at it too :)
• Carrie is making yet another home cooked meal, avoiding fast food as usual.
• Carrie is no longer in debt like she used to be...boy, that would be terrible!
• Carrie Sue is keeping up with all her classes
• Carrie wishes she had her Grandmother nearby to offer her wisdom and comfort.

That last one will probably be thought in all seriousness in the months to come...love you Grandma!